This post is dedicated to a very special, under appreciated aspect of sex and intimacy. Foreplay by definition is “any romantic or sexual activity that precedes sex” and it’s wonderful. There’s so many ways in which we have sex and think about it and express ourselves through it but I don’t think enough time is spent enjoying each other before things get heavy.

Over the course of history, sex has been pretty well documented i’d say. There’s an overwhelmingly important amount of text and visual depictions of coitus that have been left for horny brauds like me to dissect and drool over.

Perfect examples are the Kama Sutra and The Perfumed Garden, ancient manuals listing sexual techniques and celebrating what were considered taboos at the time. I find it interesting how time has changed people’s perception of these places, India and Arabic countries are considered sexually repressed yet they wrote the playbook for modern sex practices. (They are among the first texts to stress the importance of female arousal. They were stimulating clits when Europeans were still trying to jam their biscuits in too quick if you know what I mean) #NoTeaNoShade

What’s most inspiring to me about foreplay is the discovery of another’s body and awakening of your own. Prioritizing foreplay allows you to let someone make you feel good and vice verse. The building of that intimacy prior to actual sex can extend the effects of pleasure, do you know all of the things our bodies do when we’re aroused? Here’s a few: our pupils dilate, hormones levels rise, heart rate goes up, and our bodies become hypersensitive to stimulation. Who would want to skip all of that?

I’ve realized that foreplay has many faces. I’m a sapiosexual meaning the most sexually attractive trait anyone can have to me is heightened intelligence so that’s where foreplay starts for me, in the mind. Charlie, the ex I spoke about before took quite a while to realize the way to my heart and pants wasn’t pet names and dick pics, it was knowledge. After he realized that, he could turn me to putty with a few sentences and teaching me something I didn’t know. It may not be the most conventional method but it was hella efficient.

I do however enjoy more typical methods of foreplay. Making out, fingers grazing the line of my back and engaging my errogenous zones all work as well. I think the trick is to free ourselves of the preconceived notions we have about what sex says about us or what we desire. After he buttered me up with words, all I wanted was this.

I’ll use Charlie again because our relationship taught me a lot and I appreciate him. (Love ya Bubba!) The only comparison I can find to how hard it was to get Charlie to tell me what turned him on most is the DaVinci Code. Every time I thought I was getting somewhere we hit a wall. So I caught him when he was most vulnerable, after a powerful orgasm. He confessed that nothing aroused him like having his prostate stimulated but he didn’t want me to know because he didn’t want me to make fun of him.

I realized then that some people skip foreplay all together to protect themselves from the reactions they think a partner will have towards their needs. Once his “big secret” was out we were liberated and enjoyed a robust sex life. Sex is an exchange of energy whether you realize it or not and it’s your job to go into that experience with clean, open energy; willing to cater to your partner the way you want to receive some lovin’.

All couples should experience the closeness and trust required to have beautiful, sometimes messy foreplay. It can look like this

Or this

Or this

But it should always come from a place of warmth and excitement. I can talk for days about the physical benefits of foreplay but really it builds a sense of anticipation that can hardly be rivaled. By time you get to the starting line, you’ll both be relaxed and ready to conquer all of the orgasms.

And if you needed anymore incentive to have some fun prior to penetration, men on average take 4-11 minutes to orgasm, women take around 20. Do you want to be that girl who lays there while some guy keeps asking you “Did you get off? Did you get a nut?” Knowing damn well you didn’t? Don’t be that girl, you don’t have to be.

I’d like you guys to ask yourself where the appeal lies in sex. Is it the sounds, the scents, the nuances of sharing your body with another? And then I want you to ask yourself if you spend real time appreciating your experience with a partner, any partner you may have had.

Let me know! Comments, thoughts, opinions, my ears are open. It’s always a pleasure to share with you guys.

Yours Truly,