Fifty Shades of Grey almost ruined erotic literature for me. And it’s not even because it started as a twilight fanfic, (it explains why it sucks tbh) but more so that it added to the endless collection of shitty displays of romance no women actual wants. If I knew any women who actually found Christian’s psychotic, not sexy sadistic behavior arousing, me and sis need to have a chat.

After shaking the madness out of her, I’d regale her with tales of all the amazing, female focused erotica that is really out there. And if kink is her interest, I can definitely help there too. Erotica plays directly into my alley, I love books, writing and reading about shirtless sweaty men who will ravage you in a subway bathroom because he just couldn’t wait to have you. I’m getting off track but the point is when done well, erotica can serve as a playbook on how to woo or get woo’ed.

I’ve been writing fanfiction for close to 10 years and reading erotic literature almost as long. Back in the days when I used my prudeness to disguise my hyper sexuality, I would devour sexy stories all over the internet, living vicariously through shy nerds and confident vixens.

I mean get into some of these quotes from some OG erotic novels I’ve read.

“I am going to love you now, slow and sweet, but when you come, I’m going to f*** you the way I need to. The way I’ve been dreaming about since the moment I saw you.”- The Dark Highlander

“I live for sex. I celebrate it, and relish the electricity of it, with every fibre of my being. I can see no better reason for being alive.” – Naked and Sexual

“Come make me sticky.” – Archangel’s Blade

Maybe it’s just me but when I read erotica I’m looking for passion, crude honesty and a lack of passivity in heroines. Now I’m not saying there aren’t passive women, i’m only saying not all women take a docile approach to sex. I know a lot of ladies who are comfortable being submissive in everything but sex and if you ask them why its because otherwise they wouldn’t get anything out of it!

The downside to some of these novels is a false narrative that’s been pushed that suggest a real man or women will just know how to please you and that’s a lie. Communication is important in any relationship but in an exchange with instant reward or punishment such as sex it’s a necessity.

And though the purpose of erotica literature is to encite a sexual response, there is substance beyond those moments of thrusting and sweat sheened skin. Some of the most fun parts about erotica is the anticipation, the reason you keep turning the pages.

The flirting…

“I mean it, Sin. If you try to leave, I will give you that spanking I talked about at the hospital.

I’d like to see you try.

Sin’s husky voice shot straight to his groin.” – Sin Undone

The acknowledgment of arousal…

“She was warmed in someplace so deep, so buried within her, that she did not immediately recognize it as part of her internal makeup. All she knew for sure was that he was going to take her vein within moments and she was going to let him.” – Lover Reborn

And the unexpected sweetness of a stolen glance…

“It is the softness that has me catching my breath, for not in any of my dreams did I imagine I would see him look that way at me.” – Dark Triumph

The intense gratification provided by those scenes are reward for the hundreds of pages we watch these characters dance around their attraction and ultimately their love for the hero/ine.

I opened this post with saying well written erotica can provide a playbook of sorts on being wooed or wooing someone. I reread some of my favorites for research and want to amend that statement. Erotic literature can certainly help one understand seduction and desire better but that’s not the lesson. If there’s anything I’ve learned from these books, its that love doesn’t cure us. 

You can have all the sex in the world, find the “perfect” person on any corner of the planet and their love and devotion for you won’t stop you from having to confront yourself. The brain is a magnificently, complex organ and it wants to protect us, especially from ourselves. I think it’s why people fall into relationships so easily, its a means to project ourselves onto each other, except when that person holds a mirror up to us and we are forced to confront our reflection.

Love is beautiful and can help us grow into better, less emotionally underdeveloped people but its not a magic drug. And when we don’t address our previous trauma or hang ups, they’ll manifest even when we’re with that “perfect” person.

The key to being ready to accect the responsibility of someone else’s love is deciding who’s worth loving you. And if the first person that comes to mind isn’t yourself there’s a problem. If you don’t feel worthy of your own love, if you can’t make your own heart race with the care and reverence of your own strength, sexualize your own body, connecting with other people fully, will always seem slightly out of distance.

Maybe that’s why I’m so invested in erotic literature and paranormal romances. Until i’m ready to give and receive the love I deserve, I live vicariously through alpha males, stubborn women and spontaneous, usually unprotected sexscapades.

But, we’ll save examining my lack of a love life for another post on another day. For now I’m going to relax, grab one of my favorite erotica’s… and a vibrator.

Does anybody else live for erotic literature? My favorite author in the genre is J.R Ward, who’s yours? Let me know your thoughts!

Yours Truly,